she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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