here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
