cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I wish there were birth control emojis
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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