I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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