i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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