I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
