Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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