i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just want to make out with him forever
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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