Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
