remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
