your parents love me but you hate me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
