I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
