I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
