Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
