I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
