we're making bets on your personal life
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
