we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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