You can't special order awesome
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You may now shotgun with the bride
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
