If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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