I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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