i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just high enough for therapy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
