It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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