i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
