pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
