One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Randomize
