If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we're so committed to being not committed
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
