Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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