24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize