apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
