I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
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