You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You are the jesus of drinking
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
