Dude my mom stole all your condoms
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
