do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I looked at my own cervix.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
