It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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