Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
