Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
