Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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