My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
