Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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