dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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