She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
