he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize