i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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