I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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