sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize