Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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