Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
