My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
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