im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
