Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This is the prime rib incident all over again
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
