I just pynch a tree in the face
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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