You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
