she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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