she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
