peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
