Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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