you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
