Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My balls are so social today.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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