I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize