when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
