whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
