I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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