Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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