who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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