Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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