last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
3pm strippers are depressing
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
