i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
