Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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