Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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