I'm jealous of your bromance
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
