after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
