I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
