A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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